Thursday ramblings

Today I went and saw Dr. Soltanian, my plastic surgeon. His nurse, Denise, noticed me right away as she came out to get another patient. I got the look of "I cant friggin' believe it". Denise finally came out and got me and took me to a room. She wanted to know what the hell happened. She seemed completely shocked. I explained everything. After she took some info, their photographer came in and got me.

Now most of you probably have never been to a plastic surgeons office(at least I dont think so). Essentially they get pictures of you through your process: Before, during, and after. I am quite comfortable with these now. At first, when I did these 4 years ago, I was very self conscious. Now? What ever. This lady has seen more shit then anyone.

Dr. Soltanian came in and again I got the, "Are you kidding me?" look. He asked me to explain everything, which I did. My first go around was an hour consultations. Tons of literature, videos, slides, etc. Explaining everything to you, your options, etc. This time? There was none of that. I told him, "We are just doing what we did last time". Simple enough. I feel pretty good about everything quite honestly. I am in GREAT hands. I mean I have the head breast surgeon at UH(Dr Shenk) and the best plastic surgeon in Dr Soltanian. They saved my life the first time and I expect nothing less the second.

I started thinking about how relived I have been the past 2 days. Like how I had this dark cloud following me, always freaking me out. And how I knew that I could still get cancer again. I mean I still had one "good" boob with tissue. Its one of the most common complaints I hear from women who have unilateral mastectomies: "I could get it in the other one still"

I am 38 years old. Planning on living a few more years. But when you constantly are worried about getting cancer again, life isnt enjoyable. You feel a pain, you think you have cancer. Any sort of tissue change, you think you have cancer. Its quite exhausting. And its quite scary. What's even scarier is my doctor told me many women have DCIS, and never know it. You cant feel it. I only found it because of the bleeding I had. If I didnt have that bleeding, I never would have known. And my staging down the road could have been far more grim.

So I have been blessed. Sure it sucks to get cancer...twice. But I found both very early. Some women have not been so lucky. And thats how I have to look at this now.

I have been lucky.........

XOXO
B-