So yes I AM HERE. 10 years ago, this coming Monday, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 34. As most of you know my diagnosis came out of nowhere. After doing a self exam I found a lump. I was panicked and called my gynecologist. Fortunately, I immediately was able to get in and she referred me to a breast surgeon out in Lorain. She examined me, tried to exacerbate the lump(to no avail) and told me to come back in 3 months. I remember just wanting out of there and that clearly this was nothing. Little did I know I had basically a stick of dynamite in my breast.
Fast forward to 3 months later and she tells me the lump seems like its harder and grew. She is able to take a sample. I leave her office and about 3 days later I get a call at work that I need to be at the doctors office by the end of the day. I knew what it was and it wasnt going to be good. I had a meltdown at work. I drove with my then husband at the time to the doctors office. I remember very clearly to this day how she nonchalantly looked for my medical records on her desk. How she wouldnt even look at me and matter of factly told me, "So the test results came in and you have cancer".
Cue the teacher from the Peanuts because the rest that came out of her mouth was warbly nonsense. I am pretty sure I blacked out at that point.
In those ten years: I got cancer. Went though 4 months of chemo. I got divorced. Bought a new house. Got cancer again. Had my ovaries taken out. It was alot. One of the things that pushed me through my first diagnosis was the birth of my niece Ella. When she was born, I was having treatment and afterwards was able to hold her in my arms at the hospital. I remember feeling awful that day and looking like hell but you don't dwell on that crap when you are holding a brand new baby. It's perhaps why I feel very close to her because those days gave me light in a very dark point in my life. A crumbling marriage and a cancer diagnosis will make your mind do crazy things. I felt like I had nobody to talk to. Some family and friends avoided me. And its cool. It taught me alot about people. You really do learn who your true friends are.
So would I change anything? I dont think I would. Cancer taught me that I am stronger than I thought I was. You wonder to yourself constantly while going through a challenge like this in your life , "How am I going to get through this?" and you do. I have been told many times by people how I am such a strong person and while I appreciate the words I think anybody can do this. You would be amazed at what you can accomplish when you have no choice.
Yesterday I had a really nice moment at work. A co-worker of mine had her mother diagnosed with breast cancer late last year. Obviously she did not know what to do. Her mom had no other family other than her daughter(my co-worker). Se lived in a very rural area in southern Ohio so medical care where she was located was not the best. I was able to get a doctor name from a friend at the Cleveland Clinic. I also was kind of a sounding board for my co-worker and offering the best advice I could give both of them. Yesterday afternoon my co worker and her mom came into the office and her mom wanted to see me. I looked up from my desk and saw them. She introduced herself and said "I just wanted to thank you for all of the information and advice you gave us". I mean......what can you say? I was obviously not expecting that but it was so very nice. If the thing that comes from this whole thing is I helped one person then it was all worth it.
Below I am sharing earlier photos during those first few years of my journey:
Hope everyone has a great Friday!
XOXO-
B
