"Neverending Story"

I bet you not too many people would use a Limahl song in their blog. Your ears will be bleeding forever.......


Was playing phone tag with my NP last week and finally spoke to her Saturday. After meeting with my oncologist, they felt that I should either stay on Lupron or get the hysterectomy or oophorectomy sooner rather than later. She explained Dr. Silverman didn't feel comfortable doing just the Tamoxifen. Of course this sent me into a tizzy:

▀ I dont want surgery right now! Recovery time on a hysterectomy is a week. I just do not want to do that right now.

■ If I do the Lupron, I am going to get socked with another $700 bill everytime I get that damn shot. I cant afford that




Pissed off I grabbed my insurance statement and looked at the numbers. I noticed that my Out of Pocket for 2013 went DOWN by almost $1300!!!! What!? When did that happen?? All I was looking at was the monthly charges going up and never realized that the out of pocket went down. Happy dance!!

So that being said I have decided to go back on Lupron. I am on the hook for $600 regardless of what I so: Lupron vs surgery. I would rather just do the Lupron now and then do the surgery at the end of the year when I was planning on taking time off anyways. This time the shots will be every 3 months rather than monthly. Its a pain in the ass to go there monthly as I have to use PTO time for it. So I will start the shot back up in April then go back in July for another round of the shot as well as to meet with my new OBGYN, Dr. Zinotti. I will discuss with her my situation and hopefully plan for surgery in November or December.

This whole thing is like a roller coaster. Soon as you think you have some down time to get away from it, it sucks you right back in . I admit, Saturday I had a complete meltdown. I just had the window/door guy over because I wanted to replace my back door to my house. Although not a cheap job, I knew it was something I want to get done. I just have not been able to financially put the money into my house that I have wanted to. I really have had to pick and choose what I need to get fixed. So I was all excited that I was going to probably be getting a new door than 1 hour later that got dropped on me. Either way I am in the hole another $600. A hole that I dont think I am ever going to get out of.......

I hate complaining. I know its not attractive. I know other people are far worse off than I am. I am just frustrated. I want off of this god damn ride already. I want one year NOT to have to see a doctor, get injected with something, have surgery or be in any pain. One year where I dont incur large medical bills.

I know...wishful thinking.

XOXO
B

"Stupid Girls"

So as most of you I saw P!NK last Wednesday in Columbus and it was amazing. I am pretty sure I will never see anything like that again. She is in crazy good shape and singing the entire time shes doing these acrobatics. I was in awe. Her show was inspiring. It got me thinking about women in general and how pathetic some of us have become. What I respect about P!NK is her honesty. And how she doesnt WHINE unlike some people:



Look we all have been through breakups but Taylor Swift seems to go through them on a weekly basis. You are not 16 years old Taylor Swift. Grow the f up already. You have many young girls who look up to you. Stop acting like a weak fool. Relationships shouldnt define who you are. Thats when you get into trouble and make bad choices. And guess what ladies...its okay to be single! I have been doing it for 3 years and I haven't spontaneously combusted yet. In fact, what it has done for me is allowed me to regain my independence. I am a way stronger person now than I was 3 years ago. Did I think I would know how to buy a house? No. Deal with electric companies & electricians when a catastrophe happens? Hell no. Negotiate with bidders for a new garage roof? Are you kidding? Go through cancer a second time? What doesnt kill you makes you........stronger.




Also last Wednesday I had my appointment at Siedman Cancer Center to discuss my plan moving forward since I am going off of Lupron do to the cost. I have decided to go back on Tamoxifen and will eventually be doing a hysterectomy. I do not have any plans for children. That is kind of hard when you do not have a significant other. And lets be honest, at my age? Well I think that ship has sailed. Am I upset about it? No. How can I be. I am here arent I? I am in no rush for this surgery. I got a referral for a doctor who specializes in such a surgery for cancer patients. So my goal is to meet with her first and discuss with her my situation. From there, decide on when I would like to have the surgery. I am thinking later this year/early next year.


This week I heard back from Sarah, my genetic counselor at UH, about the second round of genetic testing results. This is where they look at 14 different strains to see if you carry any of them. If you do, you might be higher risk for other cancers. This allows you to make sure you are being screened regularly. There was one gene called the RAD 50 that had a “slight variant of uncertain significance”. This is a newer gene so they do not have a ton of info about it other than it MIGHT cause a higher risk for breast cancer. The models showed that the mutation was benign but not a true mutation. So basically they don’t THINK this was the cause but it could be as models can sometimes be wrong. They will update more on this gene as their research progresses. So I am to check back with her in a year. I am kind of a guinea pig on this one(STORY OF MY LIFE!). She agreed that a hysterectomy would be a good idea. I also asked about my niece. She said she should start early screening. Since I was diagnosed at 34 the first time, I probably had breast cancer in my early 20's. I am glad at least Ella will know to be proactive.


Other than that I am doing very well. I will meet back with the NP in July.


Have a great weekend everyone!!

XOXO
B

"Here Comes The Weekend"

In honor of seeing P!nk in 5 days(not that I am counting), I had to title my blog title this plus it is the weekend.

I do not have too much to update on the health front. I will be seeing oncologist Wednesday morning to go over my options since I have stopped the Lupron. So this blog will be more random things going on in my life.

I decided to change things up at the gym. That track was getting old. And I was honestly sick of having to weave and dodge inconsiderate dicks all of the time. So I went back to the treadmill(which is what I was using when I was married but then a little thing called divorce happened and I didnt have $700 to buy one). There is quite the difference between the track and treadmill. First thing is the airflow. When you walk around the track there is constant airflow. When you walk on a treadmill, it gets hot very quickly and for some reason its very warm where those treadmills are(I think its beacause they are by the pool). However, that being said, I do like it far better. I dont know. There is something about sweating your ass off that makes you feel accomplished. I have cut back alot of stuff. My diet consists of:

■ 2 pieces of wheat toast and green tea when I wake up

■ Around 10:00 AM 4 pieces of turkey bacon and 1/2 cup of fat free cottage cheese

■ 1:00 is lunch so lately been doing salad with fresh broccoli and roasted soybeans. Also, greek yogurt. This totally fills me up from the protein.

■ Dinner is around 6 after gym. Its either chicken or fish with a side of soy rice. Giant Eagles is awesome.

■ Snack is a handful of granola with dried cranberries


I can tell I am losing weight. However, I refuse to get on a scale. My problem is when I do that I get obsessed with it. And then I get pissed if I am not losing fast enough. I can just tell by how my clothes are fitting, especially my jeans.


All of my diet will probably do out the window tomorrow when we go to Amish Country. So many great places to shop at. Heinis Cheese is one of my faves. I mean who doesn't like to sample 50 cheeses? Now is a perfect time to go because it is cold and nobody will be there. Go there in the summer and its full of a bunch of people who think they can bring strollers in a complete packed place...dont even get me started on that. It is a fun day trip and usually ends up with us grabbing dinner somewhere down there. I came across this place called Sammy Sue's BBQ. I love places like this. Screw those chain places. I love finding the places that are mom and pop sort of places with awesome food.

Other than that I will be relazing this weekend. I am off 3 days next week and, as most of you know, kicking it off with P!NK in Columbus.


To say I am excited is an understatment. I have seen the reviews and I have seen the You Tube videos from the current tour. Can you say amazeballs??? I plan on taking as many pictures and videos as I can get. And if my gut is right, we might be alot closer to P!NK then we thought we ever would be. Although we have nosebleed seats, I have seen some of the stunts she has done and lets just say she allows the entire arena to see her.

Have a great weekend!!

XOXO-
B