"Neverending Story"

I bet you not too many people would use a Limahl song in their blog. Your ears will be bleeding forever.......


Was playing phone tag with my NP last week and finally spoke to her Saturday. After meeting with my oncologist, they felt that I should either stay on Lupron or get the hysterectomy or oophorectomy sooner rather than later. She explained Dr. Silverman didn't feel comfortable doing just the Tamoxifen. Of course this sent me into a tizzy:

▀ I dont want surgery right now! Recovery time on a hysterectomy is a week. I just do not want to do that right now.

■ If I do the Lupron, I am going to get socked with another $700 bill everytime I get that damn shot. I cant afford that




Pissed off I grabbed my insurance statement and looked at the numbers. I noticed that my Out of Pocket for 2013 went DOWN by almost $1300!!!! What!? When did that happen?? All I was looking at was the monthly charges going up and never realized that the out of pocket went down. Happy dance!!

So that being said I have decided to go back on Lupron. I am on the hook for $600 regardless of what I so: Lupron vs surgery. I would rather just do the Lupron now and then do the surgery at the end of the year when I was planning on taking time off anyways. This time the shots will be every 3 months rather than monthly. Its a pain in the ass to go there monthly as I have to use PTO time for it. So I will start the shot back up in April then go back in July for another round of the shot as well as to meet with my new OBGYN, Dr. Zinotti. I will discuss with her my situation and hopefully plan for surgery in November or December.

This whole thing is like a roller coaster. Soon as you think you have some down time to get away from it, it sucks you right back in . I admit, Saturday I had a complete meltdown. I just had the window/door guy over because I wanted to replace my back door to my house. Although not a cheap job, I knew it was something I want to get done. I just have not been able to financially put the money into my house that I have wanted to. I really have had to pick and choose what I need to get fixed. So I was all excited that I was going to probably be getting a new door than 1 hour later that got dropped on me. Either way I am in the hole another $600. A hole that I dont think I am ever going to get out of.......

I hate complaining. I know its not attractive. I know other people are far worse off than I am. I am just frustrated. I want off of this god damn ride already. I want one year NOT to have to see a doctor, get injected with something, have surgery or be in any pain. One year where I dont incur large medical bills.

I know...wishful thinking.

XOXO
B