A most of you know, I have been going to the Gathering Place since they opened in Westlake back in October of 2008. If you don't know, the Gathering Place is a non- profit organization for cancer survivors. They offer free programs such as exercise classes, nutrition classes, and many different support groups. I have been attending the "Young Women with Breast Cancer" support group since they opened.
We meet once a month and I have been going even after my first bout with cancer because I felt it was important. Although I was farther along in my journey then most people there, many of them appreciated that I still came to the group. They enjoyed hearing my stories of travel or whatever was going on in my life, regardless if how ridiculous it seemed to me. Some of the girls said to me, "We love that you still come here because you give us hope and a light at the end of this dark tunnel".
I have not been to the meeting in two months. I missed May because I was in Vegas. And in June, I had just had surgery for the duct the Friday before. I really didn't feel up to going and having to explain anything at that point. I will still waiting on my test results. And as you know, they ended up turning out bad.
So my battle is how do I tell these girls what is going on? I am very concerned about their reaction. I can not divulge much information about any of them for obvious reasons. However, I will say this I am concerned my news could be devastating to some. I do not want the responsibility of hurting anyone or causing someone to go into some emotional tailspin. I know how fragile some of these girls are. I have had some friends tell me, "You shouldn't worry about them. You need to worry about yourself". Well, if you know anything about me you know that I am always worried about other people and how they will react. Its a fault of mine, I admit. I wish I could be one of those people that just didn't give a shit. But its not in me.
What to do? What to do? Our July meeting is cancelled due to the 4th of July holiday. So the next one would be in August. My one idea is to talk to our group leader first to tell her what is going on. Then see what she thinks I should do. She would know more than anyone how this all should be handled.
So I ask you that are reading this.........what would you do? If you knew that the information you are about to divulge may impact someones mental state greatly and/or harm their mental healing process, how would you handle this?
Hope everyone has a great weekend. I am looking forward to happy hour with Joanna tonight! Enjoying some drinks/appetizers on the observation deck at 100th Bomb Group then ending that night at.....you guessed it.......Gunselmans. If anyone is bored and looking for something to do, stop up!
XOXO-
B
You are all dealing with a reality here. Nobody young thinks they are going the get cancer, and nobody young thinks they will get it twice. Regardless of where you were in your journey, you are now once again one of the ones needing support. You may find they are stronger than you think, especially with helping you in your journey. Let them support you as you have supported them. Just because you got this twice doesnt mean they will. And if they do,, they can come to you again because you understand. Its only fair that you tell them. You need them too.
ReplyDeleteseems like your support group should be a place of support for you as well Barra - you're honest on your blog and you should be honest there too. Your diagnoses doesn't change anything for any of them. It's yours. Whatever will happen to each of them will happen regardless of whether you treat them as the community that they are supposed to be - support for all. It's not like you get a ticket for support through one bout with cancer and then you sacrifice your right to that support in the future. You'll need it again. I have this thought all the time in where I wonder about how we don't trust other people to handle things that they CAN handle. I belong to a group and there is a particular person in that group who is in a position to DO and handle everything without asking for help even though the whole theory of the group existing is that it operates cooperatively. She does this routinely and I think it undermines the group as a whole - allow people to be there for you as you have been for them. Trust them.
ReplyDeleteHi Barra,
ReplyDeleteYou have valid concerns and I am the same in not wanting to upset others with my situation. However, as a person in your support group, we will be there for you no matter what you decide. It is meant for support, good or bad and you are in need of support right now. It is a breast cancer support group and that's what you're dealing with so you should definitely go and let us be there for you. This is a lifelong journey for all of us. The worry & prospect of it coming back is real and we need to be there for each other whether it comes back or not. The group leader can help you on how to give the news, but I'm sure she will tell you to come & let us support you.
I hope to see you at the August meeting, Lebron & Pittsburgh suck and beer is awesome!! Blonk!! (I have no idea why you say 'blonk' but you always do & it's obviously funny so I had to throw it in there:)!!
Tina
Tough call, but the road you're on, and the road you were on are both bumpy and uncomfortable, and if I were in the group, I'd want to be on that road with you, its why its a 'support group", I would think anyone in that group knows all too well that there are more consequences to the big C, than beating it once. I'm sure you'll make the right and honest decision. Personally I think you'd do more good than harm in revealing your diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, worring about others and how they may be affected is not a "fault", it's called compassion, a characteristic so few people genuinely possess. Secondly, your first round with the support group was for one boob, now you are using their support for the other! Your sense of humor can present this in a way that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings and they will offer you an emotional support that only they can offer... Honesty is the best choice, share your feelings of worry about them, and let them know that because you respect them, you have to be honest with them, they all deserve that, just as you do. You know that with cancer, sugar coating doesn't do any good, and no one believes that anyways... Be honest, do and share how much you feel is the right amount to share, but most importantly, BE YOU... because YOU are an awesome individual! Trust that, you'll be fine! Much love, thoughts and prayers always with you! JG
ReplyDelete