"Umbrella"

Ella.....Ella. I love Marie Digby's version waaaaaaay better than Rihanna's. And when you listen to the words and have the music done acoustically, you get a better feel for the lyrics.

"Now that its raining more than ever........."


The song really is about friendship and I have so many great ones.


I had a meltdown Wednesday night if you couldnt guess from my blog post. I literally lost my mind. I had one panic attack in my life and that was when I was diagnosed in 2008. I remember one night trying to sleep and I couldnt. And I started to think. And thinking is sometimes the worst thing you can do in times like this. I couldnt get my breath and next thing I know its 7 AM, I am sitting on a couch, and I can not breathe. Emergency room! Basically they diagnosed me with PTSD from my diagnosis. This time I could feel the panic setting in. And this time I was prepared. Helloooooo Xanax!

I wont apologize for ever being honest with my feelings in this journey. Some people want to be private and deal with things on their own. And thats all fine and dandy. However, I am not one of those people. I like to get my feelings out. Whether its on Facebook and/or through this blog. I say what I want and I dont have a filter at times. If you dont like it, well.......tough shit.

Yesterday was a better day for me. My parents picked me up at 1:30 and took me to see my plastic surgeon, Dr. Soltanian. Unfortunately, he didnt remove my drain. They like the fluid to be 30 cc's or less a day before they remove it. I was at 50 yesterday. Oh well....better safe then sorry, right? We got home about 3:30 and thats when Sue, my friend for 34 years, texted me and said she was heading over.

Sue, Patti, Karen and Kim all came over yesterday and it was just what I needed. We talked, I cried, and they offered advice and listened. Its never easy to be that vulnerable with people. But they are all fantastic people and offered great advice and great LASAGNA, Malleys Chocolates & gorgeous flowers!!! :) I wanted to thank all of you girls for being my friend and being there for me in a desperate time of need.

I am blessed with friends. You dont even know. When I look at the whirlwind of my life the past 2 weeks, its insane. I am going to need another benefit just for the stamps and thank you cards I am going to need to buy. I know I have tried to thank each one of you personally if you sent something. I hope I got to you all. If I didnt, I apologize. I will be doing Thank You cards at some point!

I am awaiting a call today, MAYBE, from my surgeon Dr Shenk. He might have an answer on what the board recommends moving forward for treatment. I am already banking on chemo. What kind? I dont know. How much? I dont know. Just preparing for the worst. Regardless, I have my appointment with my oncologist, Dr Silverman, on August 8th. This is when she will lay out everything for me. I know this probably sounds selfish to many of you but I am telling THEM when I want to start. This time its on my terms. I have my benefit August 26th, Labor Day weekend, and the Browns home opener September 9th. I dont want to start until the week of September 10th. I want to feel good for all 3 of those things. I have earned that right.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone! I will be taking it easy as I want this drain to come out Tuesday and I dont want to jeopardize that!

XOXO
B-