7 days, or 168 hours, or 10,008 minutes....... or 604,800 seconds until its over.
I have to tell you my biggest fear right now is the biopsy results on my lymph nodes. I know its early. I know they dont "THINK" the cancer has gone there but too many times I have heard the same shit only to get bad news. And please do not tell me I need to think "positive thoughts". Thats all unicorns, rainbows and....quite honestly bullshit. Thinking positive does NOT guarantee you positive results. I have done this...look where I am.
THAT being said, right now I am struggling with the reality that IF its in my nodes I will need chemo again. I cant even fathom this option right now. I cant even begin to mentally go there. Because if I do, someone is going to be talking me down from a very high ledge. I am not even kidding.
My parents and my brother, Brett, will be at the hospital Wednesday. If you are wanting updates, its probably best to contact Brett via Facebook. My parents are not, shall we say, tech savvy. :)
Right now I have been just keeping busy. Go to work then go out. Even if it means going to Gunselmans for some KENO(Yes Sarah.....I am addicted.) and some beers. It keeps my mind from wandering. From thinking bad thoughts. If I stay at home, I start thinking too much:
What if its worse than they thought?
What if I die? Whos going to take care of Sam & Bug?
On the flip side, I am looking forward to the next week only because I will be spending it with people who want to spend it with me. I have some dinner plans with friends tonight and tomorrow. Friday is the beginning of Fairview Home Days. So going up to Gunselmans for the parade and FREE WIENERS!! Saturday I am going to Aidans game then heading down to Sarahs Winery down in Cuyahoga Falls(assuming no bad weather.
Sunday, Lisa and I are going to clean my house top to bottom. So shout out to Ms Zellmer. You have been awesome and I truly thank you for helping me out!! Her and Eric are also letting me borrow their recliner which my fat ass will be living and sleeping in for two weeks. A bed is not even possible the first two weeks. Next time you get up from laying down---think about how you use your chest muscle to get up. You probably have no idea that you even do. Well I can tell you, you do. And when they are disturbed by a major surgery, it hurts like a son of a bitch. So recliner is the best thing on the planet to have.
Until next time peeps.......
XOXO
B-
OK I'll drop the positive thoughts bit if you think its bullshit, but you have to drop the "what ifs", because there is no sense in wondering about things that haven't happened yet. Deal?
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