Fucking Perfect

Why hello there. It has been awhile. I know I have been pretty bad at keeping this up to date. My life revolves around work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. That being said so much to talk about since my last post.


First things first. I am officially down 45.6 pounds since January 23rd. Starting to taper off a little bit but that is expected. I am to at least get to the nifty 50 by August 1. I have had so many nice compliments from family, friends and co-workers which has helped alot but I am a perfectionist and that leads me to the title of my blog: Fucking Perfect.

Even with losing just over 45 pounds, I am still hard on myself. It actually makes me kind of sad. Sure I am way more comfortable in my clothing. I have gained a tremendous amount of self esteem. However, there is still that woman who sees "fat" in the mirror. You have to understand that my low self esteem comes from two places: weight and cancer. So even though I have lost weight I still see a damaged person from surgeries. I have some underlying body issues that effect me all of the time. From the skin under my arms where they took lymph nodes out to the skin they left when they did my mastectomy. It frustrates me. Regardless of how much weight I have lost and the weight training I have done, I am still not 100% happy with my body. And lets face it I will never be. I might be at about 65% happy right now with it.

That is what our society has done to us women. This isn't meant to be a male bashing blog or anything but men do have it easier appearance wise. Think about all of the shit women have to worry about: hair, makeup, weight, shaving, clothing, etc. What do men worry about? Most of you wander around in the world with your nosehair sticking out, backhair waving in the wind, and belly fat and its accepted. Can you imagine if I didnt shave my legs for a week, had a mustache and remained the weight I was? You would call me a pig.

But that is how our society is. Women have to give a shit. We just have to. In a way it is a good thing. You have more confidence. You walk differently. You see your hard work paying off. On the other hand, it is exhausting. How many of you women with children do it I will never know. When people ask me what I have been up to I always say nothing--my life is work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. If I had kids, I probably would still be eating like shit because it just would have been easier.......and CHEAPER. Why is eating healthy so damn expensive? That is a great topic for another blog :)

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I am aware what I have accomplished thus far is really good.

BTW if anyone knows of a physical trainer please message me on FB. I am looking for upper body training but I do have some limitations due to surgeries.

Hope everyone has a great weekend-

XOXO
B

"I Am Here"

I want everyone to listen to this song. It means so much to me and is my anthem for the past 10 years of my life:




So yes I AM HERE. 10 years ago, this coming Monday, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 34. As most of you know my diagnosis came out of nowhere. After doing a self exam I found a lump. I was panicked and called my gynecologist. Fortunately, I immediately was able to get in and she referred me to a breast surgeon out in Lorain. She examined me, tried to exacerbate the lump(to no avail) and told me to come back in 3 months. I remember just wanting out of there and that clearly this was nothing. Little did I know I had basically a stick of dynamite in my breast.

Fast forward to 3 months later and she tells me the lump seems like its harder and grew. She is able to take a sample. I leave her office and about 3 days later I get a call at work that I need to be at the doctors office by the end of the day. I knew what it was and it wasnt going to be good. I had a meltdown at work. I drove with my then husband at the time to the doctors office. I remember very clearly to this day how she nonchalantly looked for my medical records on her desk. How she wouldnt even look at me and matter of factly told me, "So the test results came in and you have cancer".

Cue the teacher from the Peanuts because the rest that came out of her mouth was warbly nonsense. I am pretty sure I blacked out at that point.

In those ten years: I got cancer. Went though 4 months of chemo. I got divorced. Bought a new house. Got cancer again. Had my ovaries taken out. It was alot. One of the things that pushed me through my first diagnosis was the birth of my niece Ella. When she was born, I was having treatment and afterwards was able to hold her in my arms at the hospital. I remember feeling awful that day and looking like hell but you don't dwell on that crap when you are holding a brand new baby. It's perhaps why I feel very close to her because those days gave me light in a very dark point in my life. A crumbling marriage and a cancer diagnosis will make your mind do crazy things. I felt like I had nobody to talk to. Some family and friends avoided me. And its cool. It taught me alot about people. You really do learn who your true friends are.

So would I change anything? I dont think I would. Cancer taught me that I am stronger than I thought I was. You wonder to yourself constantly while going through a challenge like this in your life , "How am I going to get through this?" and you do. I have been told many times by people how I am such a strong person and while I appreciate the words I think anybody can do this. You would be amazed at what you can accomplish when you have no choice.

Yesterday I had a really nice moment at work. A co-worker of mine had her mother diagnosed with breast cancer late last year. Obviously she did not know what to do. Her mom had no other family other than her daughter(my co-worker). Se lived in a very rural area in southern Ohio so medical care where she was located was not the best. I was able to get a doctor name from a friend at the Cleveland Clinic. I also was kind of a sounding board for my co-worker and offering the best advice I could give both of them. Yesterday afternoon my co worker and her mom came into the office and her mom wanted to see me. I looked up from my desk and saw them. She introduced herself and said "I just wanted to thank you for all of the information and advice you gave us". I mean......what can you say? I was obviously not expecting that but it was so very nice. If the thing that comes from this whole thing is I helped one person then it was all worth it.

Below I am sharing earlier photos during those first few years of my journey:

Hope everyone has a great Friday!

XOXO-
B

"Rivers & Roads"

If you dont know who Head and the Heart are you should watch and listen to the above video. Going to see them in June. Oh and their harmonies are amazing.

Anyways, I am down another 2.6 down for a total of 27.2 since January 23. I was pretty damn excited to see that on the scale this morning. I got to the gym 5 times this week which included another great kickboxing class last night. My lower back is still bothering me though. I am okay when I wake up but then during the day at work it tightens up and kills me. So by the time I get to the gym I am in pain. I thought losing weight would help but I dont feel it is so any advice other than going to see a chiropractor is greatly appreciated.

Last week Karyn Kim and I went to see Pink at the Q. This was my third time seeing her and she did not disappoint. I can not stress enough how great she is. What I love the most about Pink---is she really is a great role model. And not just for young girls but for women in general. I appreciate how honest she is and I appreciate her confidence. We all need to be more confident. I see women in their 30's, 40s and sometimes 50s with none. Women in bad relationships. You shouldnt be defined by a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife. That goes for the guys too. You have to take care of yourself first. Love yourself and be at peace with yourself and then you can have a healthy relationship. That is one thing I love about Pink----she wont take anybody's bullshit.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

XOXO
B-

"Try"

Happy Friday everybody! I am down another 2 pounds this morning. I am officially down 22.2 pounds in 8 weeks. I was a little nervous getting on that scale this morning with going out on St Paddy's Day(even though I was watching points). However, I will take a two pound loss any day. We did another round of kickboxing last night at the Gemini Center and had even a bigger group. I altered my workout a bit since I have a janky lower back so some of the kicking motions really trigger it. That is one nice thing about the class is you can do at your own pace and change things up. I feel great this morning and not in pain which is nice

This coming week is a big one for us as one of my favorite singers is in town, Pink! We saw her twice on her last tour and were just blown away(this was my first time ever seeing her live). If you havent ever seen her, I am sorry. That's all I can say. She puts on amazing show. I am sure we will be snapping photos and taking video so be sure to keep an eye out on my Facebook for updates.

I wanted to share another great recipe with everyone: Baked Spaghetti Squash & Cheese. This is from Skinnytaste. I love her recipes. I did a Chicken Enchiladas recipe too from her and it was amazing as well. One thing I did add to the squash recipe was chicken sausage. It was VERY good. This could be served as an entree or a side. We did both. One night I served it as an entree and the next as a side with chicken.

Also this past weekend I decided to purchase season tickets from my beloved Cleveland Browns. Everyone has their team. I always root for my Cleveland teams but anyone who knows me knows I love my Browns(but hated them the past 20 years for the most part). With the recent moves they made by getting Jarvis Landry and Tyrod Taylor, I finally felt they have the right decision makers in place. I decided last Sunday to bit the bullet and buy them. And clearly those moves have changed others views as I heard this morning that Las Vegas has moved the Browns up in the odds of winning the Super Bowl. We are no longer at the bottom!

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Stay safe and warm!

XOXO-
B

"Eye of the Tiger"

Another week and another 2.8 pounds lost. I am now officially over the 20 pound mark at 20.2 pounds lost in 7 weeks. I will have to say I was a little worried because we had a team happy hour this week an due to work travel I didnt get to the gym 5 days. However, I still kept on my plan and didnt go over my points. I am finding that is the key for me: DON'T GO OVER YOUR POINTS

Last night, Lisa, Kim and I did a kickboxing class at the Gemini Center which is our rec center in Fairview Park. I had done a class before years ago so I was somewhat familiar in what to expect. It is an hour class on Thursdays for anybody who is interested you can look at the program here: Kickboxing Classes

I will say it was a great workout. So much so I wanted to puke halfway through. I am pretty sure this was due to me not being in shape plus not having too many calories consumed for the day. We did everything from punching to kicking to squats to using bands(feel the burn!). I do have to be careful because I have a tricky lower right back which has a tendency to give out on me and when it does I am like a turtle on my back. However, what is nice about the class is its at your own pace and you can kind of adjust. Jessica, who runs the class, is super nice and works with you. What is extra nice about the class is you can get a little aggression out on the punch bag. One thing I do want to mention is if you would like to do the class, bring your own gloves. You can buy weight lifting gloves and they are very inexpensive. Otherwise, we were just wrapping towels around our hands.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and an awesome St Paddy's Day!

XOXO
B-

"Another One..or almost three... Bites the Dust"

Another week down another 2.8 pounds lost. I am now down 17.4 pounds since January 23.

So I have been asked how I am doing this and if I had some tips. The main two things I can tell you if you are going to take this challenge on is to meal plan and get your ass moving. If you don't do these two things, you will not last long. For example, on Wednesday or Thursday I start meal planning for the next week. We do most of our grocery shopping on Saturday and/or Sunday. I make my menu for dinners and then I buy from that list. And make sure you HAVE a list. Do not go into the store all willy nilly. You will buy crap you do not need or should not eat.

That being said Pinterest should be your go to for meal planning. If you dont have the app, get it. Make a board for Weight Watchers or Healthy Eating. Pin those recipes to your boards. I can tell you almost all of the stuff I have made is from there. Two other great resources for recipes which tell you the point totals for Weight Watchers are Hungry Girl and Skinny Taste

What I have found in my journey thus far is you have to find substitutes for the food you love. If you like rice, make cauliflower rice. I know it sounds weird but its fantastic. If you like tortilla chips, get the baked Tostitos. They no longer taste like wallpaper paste and are a great option. With so many fantastic salsas out there you can have a crunchy snack for low points. If you love a great hamburger, get the Butterball frozen turkey burgers. They are really good and only 3 points.

Hope every has a great weekend! Stay warm!
-B

"One Day At A Time"

Today was weigh in day. Well every Friday is. I got on the dreaded scale and what did my eyes see? A 4.4 pound weight loss since last Friday. I am officially down 14.6 pounds since January 23rd! I have a long ways to go, however, I will very excited to see those results. So what did I do differently this week? The only thing I really changed was I went to the gym one extra day. Did it pay off? Maybe. However, the notion that I am going to get to the gym 6 days a week isn't very realistic.

I am not making excuses here but its just sometimes my schedule wont allow it. I WILL get to the gym no less than 4 days. I love that now my mentality is feeling guilty about taking one day off at the gym. You have to have that mentality or you will fall off of the wagon. It is so easy to do that: "Well I am tired and I just dont feel like it" or "I will skip today and go tomorrow". Look--30-40 minutes out of your entire day is, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Granted I dont have kids so I do have the luxury of having that extra time. One of the activities I am super excited about is kickboxing classes. Lisa and I will be taking those starting March 15th at our local rec center every Thursday. It will be a nice change of pace from walking around a track.

One of the things I also wanted to share on this blog is some of the recipes I have come across and wanted to post the ones we have tried and really enjoyed. I also wanted to post products both good and bad so if you are out there looking for some options you have them. The first one we both really enjoyed is below:



Curry Asaparagus and Caulifower Rice

This was super easy and very low on points. I added grilled chicken to ours but it would be fantastic with shrimp as well. One thing I have found out is Pinterest should be your best friend if you are trying to lose weight. There are so many great options out there. Yes you will spend more money. Yes it will take more time but trust me in the long run it is way worth it.

I will post more and more of these recipes as I get them. Also, another way to follow my journey is via Instagram . You will have to request to follow me because I dont want any creepers looking at my stuff. You know who you are :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Stay warm!

XOXO-B-

"Barra's Got a Big 'Ol Butt"

Do you guys remember that song?




Anyways, the blog is back baby. I found a new challenge to deal with that is not cancer related. Speaking of which, can you guys believe it will be 10 years in April since my first diagnosis? Time flies when you are having fun. Back to the topic at hand--my blog now will focus on my weight loss journey which began on January 23, 2018. And the title is staying: The Sun Will Rise. I got that from a Kelly Clarkson song which motivated me through my second cancer diagnosis.



So why did I decide to take better care of myself and go on this journey? It all started back in August of 2017 when I went to see my oncologist and my blood pressure was running high. I wasnt suprised. It always runs higher there as I am pretty sure I have PTSD from that place. There is a smell in there that most people wouldnt even recognize but I do. My doctor wanted me to go see a primary care physician to get it looked at. Being the stubborn fool I am, flash forward to December 2017 and I went to get a filling. Again blood pressure was running high. Of course I passed this off as it was high due to being at the dentist. About 2-3 weeks later it was a weekend and we were supposed to go out with Kim for the day. I felt really weird. Heart was beating fast, nauseous, kind of dizzy. Just did not feel right. We cancelled our plans with Kim and I basically took it easy rest of the weekend. That Monday I made an appointment to see Dr Tully from the Cleveland Clinic who was a recommendation from Maggie.

Form that point on I knew I had to do something. I was eating like crap and not exercising for awhile. Anyone who knows me knows I am active. I played sports my entire life as a kid. I simply got lazy. My friend Anne posted how she joined Weight Watchers that weekend on so I asked her some questions. There is one thing I know about me is when I am on a plan I will stick with it almost to a fault. So I joined weight watchers that weekend, got my food for the week and started actively counting everything starting on January 23. I went to my appointment about a week later and yes my blood pressure was high: 152/102.

No bueno. I explained I literally just went on Weight Watchers and was already down a few pounds that week. They put me on Lisinopril and wanted me to come back in 2 weeks to get it checked again. They figured with the medication and lifestyle change I should see a difference. I went back 2 weeks later and my last blood pressure reading was 126/87. Much improvement! I felt 100000000000% better. It was like night and day difference. I was sleeping better also. Everything I was doing was/is working and to date I am down 10.4 pounds. My weigh in days are Fridays so hopefully this Friday I will see some more loss.

So what will this blog be about? It will be about my journey. My struggles, tips, recipes and my wins. I think this not only helps me out but it might help one of you out if you are struggling. Look, lets face it, being a woman is never easy. And it's even harder when you are in your 40's and trying to lose weight. But I will be literally taking this one day at a time. It is all about the choices you make and I need to make better ones

XOXO
B-