Fucking Perfect

Why hello there. It has been awhile. I know I have been pretty bad at keeping this up to date. My life revolves around work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. That being said so much to talk about since my last post.


First things first. I am officially down 45.6 pounds since January 23rd. Starting to taper off a little bit but that is expected. I am to at least get to the nifty 50 by August 1. I have had so many nice compliments from family, friends and co-workers which has helped alot but I am a perfectionist and that leads me to the title of my blog: Fucking Perfect.

Even with losing just over 45 pounds, I am still hard on myself. It actually makes me kind of sad. Sure I am way more comfortable in my clothing. I have gained a tremendous amount of self esteem. However, there is still that woman who sees "fat" in the mirror. You have to understand that my low self esteem comes from two places: weight and cancer. So even though I have lost weight I still see a damaged person from surgeries. I have some underlying body issues that effect me all of the time. From the skin under my arms where they took lymph nodes out to the skin they left when they did my mastectomy. It frustrates me. Regardless of how much weight I have lost and the weight training I have done, I am still not 100% happy with my body. And lets face it I will never be. I might be at about 65% happy right now with it.

That is what our society has done to us women. This isn't meant to be a male bashing blog or anything but men do have it easier appearance wise. Think about all of the shit women have to worry about: hair, makeup, weight, shaving, clothing, etc. What do men worry about? Most of you wander around in the world with your nosehair sticking out, backhair waving in the wind, and belly fat and its accepted. Can you imagine if I didnt shave my legs for a week, had a mustache and remained the weight I was? You would call me a pig.

But that is how our society is. Women have to give a shit. We just have to. In a way it is a good thing. You have more confidence. You walk differently. You see your hard work paying off. On the other hand, it is exhausting. How many of you women with children do it I will never know. When people ask me what I have been up to I always say nothing--my life is work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. If I had kids, I probably would still be eating like shit because it just would have been easier.......and CHEAPER. Why is eating healthy so damn expensive? That is a great topic for another blog :)

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I am aware what I have accomplished thus far is really good.

BTW if anyone knows of a physical trainer please message me on FB. I am looking for upper body training but I do have some limitations due to surgeries.

Hope everyone has a great weekend-

XOXO
B

"Eye of the Tiger"

Another week and another 2.8 pounds lost. I am now officially over the 20 pound mark at 20.2 pounds lost in 7 weeks. I will have to say I was a little worried because we had a team happy hour this week an due to work travel I didnt get to the gym 5 days. However, I still kept on my plan and didnt go over my points. I am finding that is the key for me: DON'T GO OVER YOUR POINTS

Last night, Lisa, Kim and I did a kickboxing class at the Gemini Center which is our rec center in Fairview Park. I had done a class before years ago so I was somewhat familiar in what to expect. It is an hour class on Thursdays for anybody who is interested you can look at the program here: Kickboxing Classes

I will say it was a great workout. So much so I wanted to puke halfway through. I am pretty sure this was due to me not being in shape plus not having too many calories consumed for the day. We did everything from punching to kicking to squats to using bands(feel the burn!). I do have to be careful because I have a tricky lower right back which has a tendency to give out on me and when it does I am like a turtle on my back. However, what is nice about the class is its at your own pace and you can kind of adjust. Jessica, who runs the class, is super nice and works with you. What is extra nice about the class is you can get a little aggression out on the punch bag. One thing I do want to mention is if you would like to do the class, bring your own gloves. You can buy weight lifting gloves and they are very inexpensive. Otherwise, we were just wrapping towels around our hands.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and an awesome St Paddy's Day!

XOXO
B-

"Barra's Got a Big 'Ol Butt"

Do you guys remember that song?




Anyways, the blog is back baby. I found a new challenge to deal with that is not cancer related. Speaking of which, can you guys believe it will be 10 years in April since my first diagnosis? Time flies when you are having fun. Back to the topic at hand--my blog now will focus on my weight loss journey which began on January 23, 2018. And the title is staying: The Sun Will Rise. I got that from a Kelly Clarkson song which motivated me through my second cancer diagnosis.



So why did I decide to take better care of myself and go on this journey? It all started back in August of 2017 when I went to see my oncologist and my blood pressure was running high. I wasnt suprised. It always runs higher there as I am pretty sure I have PTSD from that place. There is a smell in there that most people wouldnt even recognize but I do. My doctor wanted me to go see a primary care physician to get it looked at. Being the stubborn fool I am, flash forward to December 2017 and I went to get a filling. Again blood pressure was running high. Of course I passed this off as it was high due to being at the dentist. About 2-3 weeks later it was a weekend and we were supposed to go out with Kim for the day. I felt really weird. Heart was beating fast, nauseous, kind of dizzy. Just did not feel right. We cancelled our plans with Kim and I basically took it easy rest of the weekend. That Monday I made an appointment to see Dr Tully from the Cleveland Clinic who was a recommendation from Maggie.

Form that point on I knew I had to do something. I was eating like crap and not exercising for awhile. Anyone who knows me knows I am active. I played sports my entire life as a kid. I simply got lazy. My friend Anne posted how she joined Weight Watchers that weekend on so I asked her some questions. There is one thing I know about me is when I am on a plan I will stick with it almost to a fault. So I joined weight watchers that weekend, got my food for the week and started actively counting everything starting on January 23. I went to my appointment about a week later and yes my blood pressure was high: 152/102.

No bueno. I explained I literally just went on Weight Watchers and was already down a few pounds that week. They put me on Lisinopril and wanted me to come back in 2 weeks to get it checked again. They figured with the medication and lifestyle change I should see a difference. I went back 2 weeks later and my last blood pressure reading was 126/87. Much improvement! I felt 100000000000% better. It was like night and day difference. I was sleeping better also. Everything I was doing was/is working and to date I am down 10.4 pounds. My weigh in days are Fridays so hopefully this Friday I will see some more loss.

So what will this blog be about? It will be about my journey. My struggles, tips, recipes and my wins. I think this not only helps me out but it might help one of you out if you are struggling. Look, lets face it, being a woman is never easy. And it's even harder when you are in your 40's and trying to lose weight. But I will be literally taking this one day at a time. It is all about the choices you make and I need to make better ones

XOXO
B-