"I'm So Tired"

I don't think you realize how important sleep is until you don't have it. For the past few weeks I have not been sleeping. Although I have been sick for a week, I also am on shot #2 of the Lupron. Side effects include:

Hot flashes, severe migraines, severe mood swings, trouble sleeping, night sweats

I am hoping my genetic testing comes back positive for two reasons. One being the obvious: I will have an answer as to why I got breast cancer twice. And two because I can get off of these shots and have my ovaries removed and be done with this. I do not like myself right now. I am basically this:



When I went through chemo in 2008, I had hot flashes during those 4 months and they are just hell. I also had the insomnia too. It really messes with you mentally. Take for instance this past weekend. It was a friend's birthday and a bunch of the girls were going to go to some wineries then do an overnight stay. I knew there was no way I could do the overnight. Not with these symptoms. It sucks. Because although I want to, I know that I am going to be miserable all night long. And why put everyone else through my hell?

My next trip into the oncologist, which is on Halloween, I am hoping I have some answers to the genetic test results. If I don't, I am going to ask them to put me on Effexor. This is supposed to help with the hot flashes and might help me sleep. I just hate to put too many drugs into my system. However, if it is going to help me have a better quality of life, then I have to do what I have to do. I just hate feeling like this. Feeling bitchy, sad and crabby all at once sucks. And it's not like I can help it. I don't want little things setting me off. It is no way to live.

So my apologies if I seem on edge lately. My goal is to start back at the gym. 5 days a week. No excuses. I think it will really help me mentally right now. I totally got off of the wagon when I got diagnosed. I take full ownership of that. I just did not feel like going to the gym. I know I probably should have but I just lost my mojo. I gave up on myself and had my pity party. Now the pity party is over and this bitch is getting back to the gym.

Happy Monday everyone! Hope you have a great week!

XOXO-
B