"I'm On Fire"

Check out Whitehorse above. So amazing. Love them love them love them. Saw them last night at Wilbert's. I forgot how great a small, intimate setting is when seeing live music. It's really the way to see music live. And why is it that the majority of the time, the most talented musicians do not get the recognition they deserve and we need to be subjected to Nickleback??? Not fair. Luke is Sarah McLachlan's long time guitarist and his wife Melissa has her own solo career as well as playing in Sarah's band the past few years. Then they formed a side project together called Whitehorse. Check them out....check out their other videos.....do yourself a favor!

Ironically the blog post is called, "I'm on Fire" because I have been feeling like that lately. Damn hot flashes. So horrible. Just picture sitting there and literally you feel like your cheeks are going up in flames. Mine don't last for long periods of time. Usually about 30 seconds to a minute but its constant. At nighttime its the worst. I must remove and put back on covers 100 times a night.

That being said my results are in for the genetic testing. They called me yesterday to schedule the appointment to go over the results with the genetic counselor at UH. So I have my appointment on Tuesday at 8:30. I am hoping its positive. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Why!? Why would she want that?". Well let me break it down for you......

When you have been diagnosed twice in 4 years and you were first diagnosed at 34, you want answers. I am over the part of being angry it happened to me. I just want to know WHY it happened to me. When numerous doctors tell you, "You are too young to have it twice" then you are HOPING they have an answer for you. In a weird way it will be peace of mind for me. It will be my "Ahhhh haaaaaaa!" moment. It will explain why I had to endure hell for these past 4 years. If it doesn't come back positive, I will be shell shocked and quite honestly probably REALLY pissed off.

Many have asked me what will happen either way the test results go. So here is the breakdown for you:

Positive: It means I have a 40% chance of getting ovarian cancer. These means I will need my ovaries out. No clue when that surgery would happen. I WISH it could be this year for insurance purposes. Sadly, my guess it will be sometime early next year which means more mother fucking doctor bills. Seriously......why do I have to keep worrying about this?

Negative: I will stay on the Lupron for 3 years. One shot. Every 4 weeks. Honestly if this is going to be my life for 3 years I might end up in jail. No joke. I do not like what this shit is doing to me mentally. I am irritable(well more so), crabby, and feel like crap most of the time. Another reason this test needs to come back positive so I can stop taking this horrible shit.

Busy weekend ahead. Taking Lisa out for dinner tonight for being such a great friend and being gracious in allowing my benefit to be held at Gunselmans. Its probably not enough thanks but I truly appreciate it! Tomorrow I have got to get some of those damn leaves raked up in the back then I am going to go watch football with John. Finally, on Sunday, my brother, nephew, Brian and I are going to go watch the Browns. I will need to watch my potty mouth around Aidan. Damn it! It's hard when watching the Browns!

Have a great weekend everyone!

XOXO
B