Man that was some scary shit last night, right? And we werent even in the worst part of it all. I think I slept with one eye open all night. All I kept thinking was the oak tree in back falling on my house and killing me. Hence, why I slept on the couch. Less chance of impalement.
I wish work would just make a decision when it comes to situations like this. Nobody is on the same page which is very frustrating. When you have the option to work from home, why not close the office the night before? I do not understand it.
I took a walk around the house. Lots of branches and leaves down. Fortunately, I do not see any noticeable damage. I then took a ride up to Giant Eagle to get some snacks and our street looked like a war zone. Shit everywhere. It was pretty crazy. I cant imagine what it looks like closer to the lake. Some of the pictures I have seen have been unreal
On a POSITIVE note, I got a call from the testing company that is administering my second round of genetic tests. Insurance will pay for ALL of it. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
Not sure how I feel right now. Not mad. Not sad. The test was negative. Negative for BRCA1. Negative for BRCA2. As most of you know, I was hoping for a positive test just so I could have some excuse for why I got breast cancer twice in 4 years. It is probably weird to say that. But I just wanted closure on this. The positive thing is I no longer have the high risk of ovarian cancer. That being said, Sarah(my genetic counselor at UH),discussed with me my options.
The next set of tests she wanted to discuss with me were obviously optional. These took a look at 14 gene mutations that breast cancer patients can carry. What these mutations tell you is whether you are high risk for other cancers(i.e. thyroid, uterine, etc). It took me about a second to decide to do it. Why? It is the end of the year and I can get it under this years insurance(assuming they pay for it). I did not see any point in waiting. These results, assuming insurance pays for them, take a little bit longer since there are so many strands of genes to look at. I should have these results anywhere from 3-6 months. In the meantime, I will be doing to Lupron shots.
Yes it sucks to not have an exact answer. However, I am trying to look at the positives: I don’t have a higher risk for ovarian and I am typing this blog. I have my next shot of Lupron on Halloween. I have some questions to ask them and will be discussing the results with them. I am hoping the side effects of the Lupron taper off. Otherwise, someone might bail me out of jail…..seriously.
I do want to say CONGRATULATIONS to my long time friend and sorority sister, Jan who is finishing up her last chemo treatment today for colon cancer.
I love you and I am proud to call you my friend. Both of us have endured hell and I think we will be bonded forever because of it. I will see you in Toledo in a month and we will be celebrating with some beers and hibachi. BONZAI BITCHES!
Heading to Fatheads tonight. Its bacon and beer night……..and you know how much I love both!
Check out Whitehorse above. So amazing. Love them love them love them. Saw them last night at Wilbert's. I forgot how great a small, intimate setting is when seeing live music. It's really the way to see music live. And why is it that the majority of the time, the most talented musicians do not get the recognition they deserve and we need to be subjected to Nickleback??? Not fair. Luke is Sarah McLachlan's long time guitarist and his wife Melissa has her own solo career as well as playing in Sarah's band the past few years. Then they formed a side project together called Whitehorse. Check them out....check out their other videos.....do yourself a favor!
Ironically the blog post is called, "I'm on Fire" because I have been feeling like that lately. Damn hot flashes. So horrible. Just picture sitting there and literally you feel like your cheeks are going up in flames. Mine don't last for long periods of time. Usually about 30 seconds to a minute but its constant. At nighttime its the worst. I must remove and put back on covers 100 times a night.
That being said my results are in for the genetic testing. They called me yesterday to schedule the appointment to go over the results with the genetic counselor at UH. So I have my appointment on Tuesday at 8:30. I am hoping its positive. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Why!? Why would she want that?". Well let me break it down for you......
When you have been diagnosed twice in 4 years and you were first diagnosed at 34, you want answers. I am over the part of being angry it happened to me. I just want to know WHY it happened to me. When numerous doctors tell you, "You are too young to have it twice" then you are HOPING they have an answer for you. In a weird way it will be peace of mind for me. It will be my "Ahhhh haaaaaaa!" moment. It will explain why I had to endure hell for these past 4 years. If it doesn't come back positive, I will be shell shocked and quite honestly probably REALLY pissed off.
Many have asked me what will happen either way the test results go. So here is the breakdown for you:
Positive: It means I have a 40% chance of getting ovarian cancer. These means I will need my ovaries out. No clue when that surgery would happen. I WISH it could be this year for insurance purposes. Sadly, my guess it will be sometime early next year which means more mother fucking doctor bills. Seriously......why do I have to keep worrying about this?
Negative: I will stay on the Lupron for 3 years. One shot. Every 4 weeks. Honestly if this is going to be my life for 3 years I might end up in jail. No joke. I do not like what this shit is doing to me mentally. I am irritable(well more so), crabby, and feel like crap most of the time. Another reason this test needs to come back positive so I can stop taking this horrible shit.
Busy weekend ahead. Taking Lisa out for dinner tonight for being such a great friend and being gracious in allowing my benefit to be held at Gunselmans. Its probably not enough thanks but I truly appreciate it! Tomorrow I have got to get some of those damn leaves raked up in the back then I am going to go watch football with John. Finally, on Sunday, my brother, nephew, Brian and I are going to go watch the Browns. I will need to watch my potty mouth around Aidan. Damn it! It's hard when watching the Browns!
I don't think you realize how important sleep is until you don't have it. For the past few weeks I have not been sleeping. Although I have been sick for a week, I also am on shot #2 of the Lupron. Side effects include:
Hot flashes, severe migraines, severe mood swings, trouble sleeping, night sweats
I am hoping my genetic testing comes back positive for two reasons. One being the obvious: I will have an answer as to why I got breast cancer twice. And two because I can get off of these shots and have my ovaries removed and be done with this. I do not like myself right now. I am basically this:
When I went through chemo in 2008, I had hot flashes during those 4 months and they are just hell. I also had the insomnia too. It really messes with you mentally. Take for instance this past weekend. It was a friend's birthday and a bunch of the girls were going to go to some wineries then do an overnight stay. I knew there was no way I could do the overnight. Not with these symptoms. It sucks. Because although I want to, I know that I am going to be miserable all night long. And why put everyone else through my hell?
My next trip into the oncologist, which is on Halloween, I am hoping I have some answers to the genetic test results. If I don't, I am going to ask them to put me on Effexor. This is supposed to help with the hot flashes and might help me sleep. I just hate to put too many drugs into my system. However, if it is going to help me have a better quality of life, then I have to do what I have to do. I just hate feeling like this. Feeling bitchy, sad and crabby all at once sucks. And it's not like I can help it. I don't want little things setting me off. It is no way to live.
So my apologies if I seem on edge lately. My goal is to start back at the gym. 5 days a week. No excuses. I think it will really help me mentally right now. I totally got off of the wagon when I got diagnosed. I take full ownership of that. I just did not feel like going to the gym. I know I probably should have but I just lost my mojo. I gave up on myself and had my pity party. Now the pity party is over and this bitch is getting back to the gym.
Happy Monday everyone! Hope you have a great week!
Its October. Its "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". This morning on my drive into work, I listened to 92.3 The Fan and an argument between the two morning show people about the NFL making players wear pink in last night's Monday Night game.
It is an interesting argument. Look, pink is not my favorite color. I look awful in it. And honestly all I think about when I see it is breast cancer. Is that a bad thing? The argument against it is that there are other diseases that kill more people than breast cancer. However, let's be honest here: The NFL is a publicity machine. They are not making the players wear pink because they want to help me or thousands of other women who have been diagnosed with this disease. It's about bringing more women closer to the NFL game.
I can not blame the NFL for that. And I am also not going to crucify them for bringing some sort of awareness on this disease regardless of their true intentions. I HATE, HATE when people put diseases up against each other: "Well heart disease kills more people", "Well prostate cancer kills more men". Listen asshole dont belittle breast cancer. And dont make ME feel guilty because the NFL chose to acknowledge breast cancer over another disease. It is like the people who want to say shit that University Hospital is better than Cleveland Clinic or vice versa. This is not a fucking competition. This is lives we are talking about.
If you don't like how your disease is being ignored than do something about it. Start up an annual walk. Those who join your cause make a donation which can be donated to your favorite charity. But please STOP making me feel guilty. What you are doing is belittling the disease. Would you like to sit in a support group of mine and tell a 25 year girl who has just been told that her breasts will need removed that her disease isn't as important as others? Or the 40 year old woman who was told she has stage 4 and she basically has a few months left with her children?
I can not believe in this day and age that we are even discussing this. Again, I dont know exactly what the true intentions are of the NFL. However, I will be damned if I am going to crucify them for it. I have better things to do........like live my life.
