Fucking Perfect

Why hello there. It has been awhile. I know I have been pretty bad at keeping this up to date. My life revolves around work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. That being said so much to talk about since my last post.


First things first. I am officially down 45.6 pounds since January 23rd. Starting to taper off a little bit but that is expected. I am to at least get to the nifty 50 by August 1. I have had so many nice compliments from family, friends and co-workers which has helped alot but I am a perfectionist and that leads me to the title of my blog: Fucking Perfect.

Even with losing just over 45 pounds, I am still hard on myself. It actually makes me kind of sad. Sure I am way more comfortable in my clothing. I have gained a tremendous amount of self esteem. However, there is still that woman who sees "fat" in the mirror. You have to understand that my low self esteem comes from two places: weight and cancer. So even though I have lost weight I still see a damaged person from surgeries. I have some underlying body issues that effect me all of the time. From the skin under my arms where they took lymph nodes out to the skin they left when they did my mastectomy. It frustrates me. Regardless of how much weight I have lost and the weight training I have done, I am still not 100% happy with my body. And lets face it I will never be. I might be at about 65% happy right now with it.

That is what our society has done to us women. This isn't meant to be a male bashing blog or anything but men do have it easier appearance wise. Think about all of the shit women have to worry about: hair, makeup, weight, shaving, clothing, etc. What do men worry about? Most of you wander around in the world with your nosehair sticking out, backhair waving in the wind, and belly fat and its accepted. Can you imagine if I didnt shave my legs for a week, had a mustache and remained the weight I was? You would call me a pig.

But that is how our society is. Women have to give a shit. We just have to. In a way it is a good thing. You have more confidence. You walk differently. You see your hard work paying off. On the other hand, it is exhausting. How many of you women with children do it I will never know. When people ask me what I have been up to I always say nothing--my life is work and the gym. Rinse and repeat. If I had kids, I probably would still be eating like shit because it just would have been easier.......and CHEAPER. Why is eating healthy so damn expensive? That is a great topic for another blog :)

I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I am aware what I have accomplished thus far is really good.

BTW if anyone knows of a physical trainer please message me on FB. I am looking for upper body training but I do have some limitations due to surgeries.

Hope everyone has a great weekend-

XOXO
B