"5678!"

No reason for this blog title other than this song puts me in a good mood and its alot of fun. Especially the breakdown at 1:45. Plus Butterfly Boucher is one of the coolest musicians ever and I have met her which makes it extra cool.

It's Friday. Alot going on in my brain. Let's break it down shall we?

I posted on my Facebook page about a statement I got from Anthem in regards to my surgery in November. I look at the statement and essentially it says that they covered everything BUT $5,500.



Below in the explanation of benefits it said "This is not covered by your plan". What is not covered by my plan??? I immediately check my account with University Hospital and I do not see anything for $5,500. But, I felt I need to nip this in the ass. So I called Anthem. After being on hold for 20 minutes, I got someone. She did alot of typing and told me that the "excess skin removal was not covered" and that "UH filed an appeal in December but it was rejected". Floored, I explained this was part of BREAST CANCER RECONSTRUCTION. Lady--do you think I went in there for a nip and tuck?? I explained I had a mastectomy in June. When they do that sometimes they have to leave excess skin to compensate for the expander. Then they can go back in and clean it up. So while he was in there removing the expander he went in and removed some skin. Ironically, I still have to go back in and have more removed because its not settling properly.

She asked me if I wanted to file an appeal. Does a bear shit in the woods? Of course I do! I explained as a part of the Women's Health & Cancer Rights Act they have to cover this. Back in 2008, when I had a mastectomy on the right side, as a part of reconstruction I had a lift on my left side so my boobs matched. ALL COVERED BY UNITED HEALTH CARE(on a different insurance plan as I was married). Why? Because its the law! She took my statement and said it takes around 45 for an answer.

I then emailed my doctor and included the statement from Anthem. He responded within minutes and CC'd the billing supervisor at UH. I have not heard back yet. I will be following up next week. Like I said, I havent NOT received a bill from UH but I am trying to be proactive. I do not need to get into some battle with insurance and a hospital. That should be between them.

I do know this much--IF UH thinks they are getting a dime from me they are sadly mistaken. I will sic Carl Monday on your asses and you dont want him showing up. Trust me:

GET AWAY FROM ME CARL MONDAY!


Happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekend!

XOXO
B

"Stars"

The past few weeks have been tough. Losing our co worker has really bothered me. Saturday was the memorial. Half of our office showed up. I am not going to go into why the others didn't show. My take on it is if you wanted to be there you would have been there. And if you are okay with your decision, then so be it.

Today was our first day back to work since she passed. And I felt like it was just weird. She changed her schedule the last few months and would get to work before me(I was always first one in). Her desk is the first one you see when you enter our office.

Today she wasnt there. It was weird. It made me very sad. We had a staff meeting about it to discuss how we would move forward. She was our billing person so it has basically put the operational side of things in a tailspin. I do not think ANYBODY realized how much shit this woman did on a daily basis. Like the saying goes, you dont appreciate what you have until its gone.

I then come to find out that my friend is still in the morgue. The morgue. They cant afford to bury her. I am not going to go into her personal issues. Those people arent worth my words. But lets just say she deserves much better than this. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that this woman is not being given a proper burial. But this shouldn't come as a surprise if you knew the circumstances that surrounded her life. She gave and gave and got nothing in return. Why should I be surprised?

You cant but help to look at your life. Am I doing what I want to do? Am I happy in my personal life? What if I died tomorrow? Would people come to my memorial? Would they give me a proper burial? What would my legacy be on this planet?

"Here lies Barra. Died at 39. She is survived by her 2 cats. She loved Gunselmans, Sarah McLachlan and Miller Lite"

Not very exciting.


It is time for some changes. Today was a big kick in the ass I needed. Personally and professionally.

Happy 2013-
XOXO
B

"Hallelujah"

Death. Its inevitable. It's never easy. But when it's unexpected its devastating....

In light of the recent tragedy in Connecticut, I didnt want to to a reactionary blog right away when it happened. Everything was too raw and real. After a week, I decided now was a good time. There are no words that could make sense of what happened at that school. We all can point fingers at one particular reason. What we should be doing is pointing fingers at each other. We are the cause of why these things are happening. From the guns to the mental illness to the lack of parenting in this country. Its a deadly combination of these things that causes tragedies like this. And what we do, as a country, is cry about for a few days then move on with our lives. We never come up with a solution to these issues. We just hope they never happen again.

Look I dont know what the answer is. What I do know is that the President needs to begin somewhere. If that means banning ALL assault weapons, it is a start in the right direction. The President is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. And while we are on the topic of the President, how dare some of you question his sincerity while giving his speech about these children. You are disgusting. You know who you are and I hope you are reading this blog. According to this person, the President was crying fake tears and shouldnt be crying anyways because he's(Obama) pro-choice. I had to read that status update 5 times. There are actual people in this world who think this?? WTF is wrong with you? I am pro-choice. So now I can't cry for these children? My only answer to this was to "unfriend" them on Facebook. We are all allowed to our opinions. However, I am not friends with irrational, morons.

I have been wracking my brain to make sense of this and other tragedies. Last night we lost a co-worker of ours. I have worked with her for over 8 years. She took the world on her shoulders and she paid the price for it. A stubborn woman who loved her family and busted her ass on the job. Who just took on way too much. It saddens me greatly. She was admitted to the hospital on Monday and then on Tuesday night I checked in with her to see how she was doing. She texted me back that she thought she would be back to work in a few days. Then I texted her this:

"You need to take care of yourself. Your health is more important. Without you here we are nothing"

She replied back that it was very nice of me to say that and she appreciated it. 2 days later she was on a ventilator and her family had to make a decision on when to shut off the machine. It is a decision I could never fathom having to make. I take solace that my final words to her were positive but I am struggling to understand how in 2 days things just ended.

I have been very fortunate in my life to not have to deal with death that much. I have dealt with both grandmothers, a grandfather and an aunt passing away in my 39 years on this planet. Now someone who I saw everyday for 8 years is no longer here. I feel horrible for her family to have to go through this and especially during the holidays.

Death is a part of life. It is the sad reality that we will all die someday. We all think it will never happen to us. You just never know when it will happen. I have cheated death twice with my cancer scares. I am fortunate. Both of these two tragedies have made me take a serious look at myself:

What can I do better? How can I help others? How can I make the world a safer place?

I dont pretend to have all of the answers. But each of us need to take serious looks at ourselves in the mirror. Appreciate what you have this Christmas. This is not about what presents you may or may not get. It's about family and friends. Enjoy this time. Others are not so fortunate. Others are having to bury loved ones during this time.

Merry Christmas-
Happy Holidays-
Feliz Navidad-

XOXO-
B

"These Are the Few of My Favorite Things"

I can not believe 2012 is almost over. Time flies when you are having fun, right? Although I had some crappy news this year, I did have a lot of fun and enjoyed many things. I love when people do "Year End" favorites. So I thought it would be fun to do a blog on some of my favorite moments from 2012. It will included everything and anything. From tv to music to vacations to concerts. It's my Top 10 list. Are you ready?


1)Best Concert I attended: I have to go with my girl: Sarah McLachlan in Toledo. I drove 2 hours there to see her and 2 hours back then had to be up for work. I am the true definition of a fan. Although I have never met her, it is my goal in life to do this. She will be touring in 2013 and I am putting this goal at the top of my list. To see Sarah with a live orchestra was incredible. The Toledo Zoo Amphitheatre is quite amazing. Amazing sound there. If you ever get a chance to see a live show there, I highly recommend it.




2)Best CD: I have to go with Pink here and "The Truth About Love".



You know how some cd's have songs you are luke warm on? Not this one. I love this cd front to back. One of those you just put it on and let it go. I seriously can not wait to see her in Columbus in March. I think this show is going to blow us away. Favorite songs include: Slut Like You and The Great Escape. If you haven't purchased it yet, what the hell are you waiting for?


3)Best Viral Video: I mean come on, is there really any competition here?



Sweet Brown, I love you. You can make me smile even when I was down. I think you did that for alot of people. I have always have time for you Sweet Brown!!


4)Best Meal in Cleveland: When Sue Klika took me to Momocho for the first time. I have never been a guacamole fan but their's? Holy smokes. You can check them out on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives in the below video. And the scallops I had? SOme of the best ever. And their margaritas? Arrrrrrrrrrriba!




5)Favorite Sports Moment: This is pretty easy........when the Browns beat the Steelers in November. Oh God I hate them. Everything about them. Their colors, their fans, their stupid QB. And yes I know Big Turd wasn't playing but I don't care if Eric the Midget was playing quarterback: WE BEAT THE STEELERS! Now can we beat them twice in one season? Probably not. But I will take this one.



6)Best TV Show- Not Reality : American Horror Story. As messed up as this show is, it's brilliant. It is definitely one of those shows you have to pay attention to. If you have a short attention span, forget about it. But if you like to be creeped out and enjoy twists and turns, you need to check this out. And you really should watch it for Jessica Lange alone because besides Meryl Streep, Jessica is one of the best actresses ever.



7)Best TV Show-Reality: It has to be the Real Housewives franchise. Pick any of them. OC, Beverly Hills......Iraq. I do not care. You love drama--they give you drama. You want need to laugh? Laugh your ass off. Sometimes when life hands you a shitty hand, you need to escape. These women do that for me. I don't want to hear about politics and bullshit like that. I want to remove myself from my own garbage and be entertained for an hour.




8) Best Movie:



No need to adjust your monitor. There is no award for best movie of the year because they all sucked.

9)Worst Movie: Piranha 3DD. Ok the first one was entertaining. It was a gore fest, had a decent story, etc. This piece of crap. OMG. It was probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And I watch alot of crap on the SyFy channel. Fortunately, I did not pay for this gem. A friend brought it over on DVD(Yes he actually bought this). You know how some movies are so bad they are great? I.E Showgirls? Well this was so bad it was just bad. And David Hasselhoff was in it. Need I say more?




10) Favorite Moment of The Year: Making the decision NOT to go through chemo again. I can't even tell you how completely devastated I was when I found out that I had a small amount of cancer in a node. Devastated wasn't a strong enough word. Ruined. Completely ruined. But then when my doctor told me the percentages I felt like I won the lottery. I seriously could have skipped out of Siedman Cancer Center.





I am finally off tomorrow and I am going to enjoy a day to myself. Heading to the gym early then shopping, lunch and a few drinks.

Have a great weekend everyone!

XOXO
B

"The Great Escape"

When I heard about the Kansas City Chief player, Jovan Belcher, killing himself and his girlfriend over the weekend, I was shocked. But then I heard about Eric Eucker, who worked for the Browns for 10 years, killing himself at the Browns training camp in Berea, and I was saddened. Eric was younger then me. Graduated from Olmsted Falls High School in 1989.

I started thinking how bad could it be that someone would do such a thing? And then I thought of the Pink song, "The Great Escape" which discusses having to help someone who is going through a rough time and making sure they don't harm themselves. I urge you to watch the above video and listen to the lyrics.

Life is never easy. We all have our issues and some hide them better than others. I was listening to a conversation about both young men at a bar yesterday. One struck me as interesting. They were discussing Jovan Belcher:

"Why would someone who has millions of dollars do that?"
"He played in the NFL how could he go and do that. He had EVERYTHING"

I am not sure why people think because he played in the NFL and was a millionaire he is not allowed to have any problems. Or mental issues. Or addiction issues. Do only poor people suffer from depression? We have this weird belief that those who are famous and/wealthy should be perfect. Having money does not mean you have sanity. It does not mean you have proper coping skills if there is an issue you have to deal with in your life.

I never knew Eric Eucker but I have friends who did know him. They said he was very nice. It is sad that he felt he had no other options. I think it is vital that each of us take the time from our busy days and reach our to our friends to see how they are doing. The holidays are very hard on many people for different reasons. Some have very bad memories of things that have happened to them around the holidays in their personal lives. So if you know of someone like this, just check in on them. Allow them to know that if they need anything they can count on you. Invite them to your house for the holidays if they are alone. Just reach out.

I dont know why I decided to write this blog. But sometimes I feel the need to talk about something other than cancer. It saddens me that someone felt they had no other way to get through life other than to end it. Both of these young men have families who now have to go through the holidays grieving. I dont wish that on anybody. I can not imagine what they are going through and I hope I never have to.

XOXO-
B

"Song For A Winters Night"

I think this is one of the prettiest "Christmas" songs. Ok it's really not a Christmas song but they do play it during Christmas. And, well, the best singer ever is singing it so there you have it.

Christmas. I used to enjoy it. It's been hard the past 2 and now onto the third, since my divorce. I will never forget the Christmas of 2010. Wow. Was I a miserable mess. Even more so than I am now. I did not know what to do with myself. I remember Christmas Eve. I always went to my ex husbands family's house for 15 years. Now, all of a sudden, I was sitting in a house, alone on Christmas Eve. Talk about depressing. My parents even stopped over after church. I think it was to check on me and make sure I was ok.

I still have a hard time with Christmas now. It sucks. Everyone is married with kids and/or is in a relationship. Me? Big loser in the corner. Divorced with cats and no real boobs. I am pretty sure this is going to be be me in 30 years:




I am fortunate though that I have a great family. I love seeing my neice and nephew during Christmas open all of their gifts. So that I am thankful for. At least I am here on this planet with everything I have been through to be able to see that.

It is not like I am desperate to be in a relationship. I am not that type of girl. I am to the point now where if it happens.....it happens. I sometimes think maybe Mike was my "one true love" and things just didn't work and I am basically shit out of luck. It's possible. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

I hope all of you who do have someone in your life appreciate them. Not just during Christmas or birthdays but every day you are on this earth together.

Happy Friday everyone!!

XOXO-
B

"The Thanksgiving Song"

I have alot to be thankful for this year. Obviously, sitting here and being able to type this blog is one of them. Never in a million years did I think that I would go through all of the same shit again 4 years later. But I did. I am not sure why it happened. I don't really ask that question anymore. My opinion there really aren't reasons why things happen to certain people. It just.........happens.

I really want to thank so many people in this blog but its impossible to do so without editing it 100 times to add people. So I want to thank my family first and foremost. My parents rule. Driving my ass downtown at the buttcrack of dawn, helping me out at home, my mom staying with me to make sure I was okay, etc. You don't realize how much you need your parents until something like that happens to you. I am fortunate that they are still on this planet. Some of my friends are not so lucky.

I want to thank all of my friends. Seriously--totally overwhelmed by the outpouring of generosity after my surgery and even still to this day. I am so amazed. Even now when I open my mailbox and get a card that just says "I am thinking about you and I hope you are doing well". That is truly special. I feel like I have a mountain of people I can depend on. If I need something, I am not afraid to ask for it.

I get alot of people that say to me things like, "I think you are amazing", "You are an inspiration", etc. I don't feel that special. Honestly, at times I do not even know how I got through the past 4 years without being institutionalized. It was not pretty at times but I fought through it. I make no apologies for some of my reactions. Whether I was sad, happy, pissed...the words I said in this blog were true. I think too many times we all try to hide our emotions. Or we don't want others to see when we are weak. But I have been weak many times mentally. And that is okay.

I hope what I provided to all of you in this blog was a little insight of what I was going through not only physically but emotionally. Maybe I educated some of you about breast cancer. Hopefully I made some of you laugh. I think laughter is the best medicine in the world. There isn't a better drug that compares to a good, old fashioned belly laugh.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. And if you go shopping on Thanksgiving night, I hope you end up with food poisoning and you are in the middle of Walmart with the cha-chas, in a 3 mile checkout line, with nowhere to go. You deserve it.......

XOXO-
B